Have we all fallen down a rabbit-hole? 

I’ve avoided writing in this blog  yet have wanted to so very many occasions in the last year or so.

I’ve felt like a pressure-cooker of emotions and words. So, instead I keep, carry and write in a private journal just to take the edge off. (Actually have done so anyway off and on for years)


The lack of blog posts? It’s not because I’ve nothing to say- it’s because I’ve too much to say  and so much to write about and it’s far too important to me to mess it up and potentially stumble over my words and be misunderstood.

I think we all hate being misunderstood. It’s a mutual human need actually. To be understood. To receive empathy.

And for a writer this has been an excruciating and frustrating fear. 

I’ve felt silenced. I’ve read between the lines and came to the conclusion that it was my only choice. To keep peace. To stear clear of the vortex of word wars we all so easily and unintentionally get sucked into. 


And facebook? Oh gosh. It’s the devil’s cauldron for conflict. Just try and “have an opinion” online or check “like” to a post that ruffles a feather or two. 

I heard someone say that “facebook” was satanic.  I scoffed a bit at that but, you know, I truly think we’ve all fallen down that hellish rabbit hole. Myself included. I tried not to, trust me. But….well, you know. 


I think we’re all seeing a great deception on the news and our social media platforms- the media is desperately and successfully causing such dissention, hate, and misunderstanding. Just try and look away and pretend to not notice the many hotbed issues these days. 

Yes, some very tragic things are occurring. I’m not saying we should bury our heads in the sand. However, we’ve got to keep our eyes on what is really happening. What truly matters. Because we’re all becoming so distracted in the heat of all these chaotic emotions. 

Do I have an opinion or strong feeling about a few of the popular issues at hand? Absolutely. But, I’ve also seen so many different perspectives to each. It isn’t always easy to pinpoint what the “right”  thing is. There are some very murky waters to tread here. 


I went through a personal crisis nearly a year ago that pretty much knocked the wind out of me for months. Surprisingly I found myself going through a grieving process although I hadn’t lost anyone to death. 

Sadly, the only way I could find someone who could truly say they’d experienced what I was going through was on a private Facebook support group. If it wasn’t for that, I think I probably would’ve just deleted my account. 

It’s truly disheartening that in this age of information (or should I say MISinformation?) that we all seem to be totally missing it. I feel it in my gut the way one feels when you know-that-you-know you’re being deceived. 


So, I’m on a personal mission to keep it simpler. I’m striving for more quality in EVERY moment in the same way I try to avoid junk food. It tastes sooooo good but…it’s really not essential or nutritious. I now feel the same about Facebook- not essential and definitely not healthy…and only to be partaken in small portions. 

Because I’m emerging from a season of grieving and heartache I’ve avoided writing in my blog. But, oh how I’ve missed it! 

It’s now, thankfully, a season of Spring for me in my life. I’m easing into and savoring more of the activities and interests  I’d put aside to heal. I wish I could write about what I’ve been through but I can’t. So instead, I’ll share what I can about other things.

Just a parting word: if there’s anyone reading who’s ever felt silenced or been told that what you feel isn’t rational or valid- don’t despair and don’t “go it alone.” Pour your heart out to the Lord. If you also just must have that human connection or shoulder to cry on pray and ask God to guide you to just the right ear of understanding. I did and received just that and it made all the difference. 

To be understood by even one is healing relief. 

a quick selfie taken this summer in Utah

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Plot twist! 


This one will seem a bit mysterious.

But only to those of you who either don’t know me or are only here to lurk.

This thing…yes, it stopped me in place. Took my breath away. Left me picking up the “pieces” and sorting through some very raw and real emotions.


And the irony? I’m ok. Better than ok. I’m growing, healing and evolving through it all daily. (And being blessed in the process)

Who knew that at 48 you could still face something like this and find yourself feeling as if the very foundation you stood on was yanked out from beneath your (mostly) steady feet leaving you feeling like gravity malfunctioned and you’re free-falling through outer space.

After a few months of what certainly took my breath away emotionally – I’m anchored firmly once again. Shook myself off and finally “caught my breath.”

I always keep my eyes on what God has in store. Because, I guarantee you, that this- This “plot twist” in my life has a higher purpose. One that is unfolding before my eyes day by day.


This “plot twist” has taught me more about myself and people than any other event in my 48 years. It’s been, for a lack of better words, indescribable at times. I’ve felt and am still feeling emotions I have no words for.

Some of you will find that unbelievable- me left unable to form just the right word for what I’ve been going through. Actually, for what I’m still processing.


I’m sorry this post had to be so very mysterious and seemingly rambling. It’s just the way it needs to be for now.

I’m ok. More than just “ok.” God has a plan. He always has. He’s already proven this to me long ago and over and over.


And by the way, for those of you that have a friend or loved one going through something “difficult” and you don’t know what to say to them so you say nothing. Maybe you fear you’ll say the wrong thing. However, saying nothing or pretending “it” didn’t happen? Not the better choice.

If you care- say something…anything. Pick up the phone- just ask…”you wanna talk about it?” Simple. If they don’t want to they’ll tell you. But, I promise they’ll be conforted just knowing you tried.

After all, it’s sometimes the smallest acts of kindness that make the most in someone’s journey to healing.

 

 

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Thoughts on thoughts etc…

The overwhelming thought I’ve chewed on lately is of how we far too often complicate our lives with overthinking, regrets, “shoulds,” comparisons, and “what ifs.” (Oh the irony) I’ll let you overthink that last line for a second… Another thought- I wonder what percentage social media plays in contributing to our mental chatter? There’s no denying that it’s brought much more of the outside world into our minds that surely make our thoughts a bit noisier. 


 So, here’s a thought- What if we actively chose to just live simply and peacefully to the very best of our God-inspired abilities in spite of all the chaos and noise from the world (and online news stories) and from within our own minds?  Life really doesn’t have to be everything spectacular all at once or something that makes the headlines. Those ordinary, quiet, trudging along days are always enough and still valuable. 


Our lives don’t  need to be perfect, neat, or free of discomfort to be wonderful. Our lives don’t  need to be overly busy to be productive. And our lives sure don’t need to be posted daily on social media to be considered significant or noteworthy! 

EVERY SINGLE DAY is a unique treasure whether it is posted, journaled or even remembered. Every single day counts simply because  IT WAS LIVED. 

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. What you have learned and received and heard in me- practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you. (Philippians 4:8-9)

P.S.- the pictures above are a few iPhone shots from a trip we took to Florida last month to visit relatives. I know they have nothing to do with the theme of the post- just thought it would be nice to add a little sunny Florida scenery. 😊

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this morning 


These gentle morning breezes are hinting of the coming season change…flowers are making their last grand displays or just quietly fading away…shadows play on the sun soaked newly mown lawn…an impatient hummingbird hovers near the empty feeder reminding me, once again- but what was that rule? Do we stop filling the feeders in September? I make a mental note to look it up later. I’m too content and comfy right now to write it down. I’m cuddled underneath the weight of my beloved gray blanket shawl- the one that I started making into a poncho. I smile as I recall how it all went chaotic and I took it apart twice only to allow it to evolve into what it now is…and it’s much better than what I had intended it to be. So much like life in general: sometimes that plan B(or C), well…its just better, maybe even cherished. Like this handmade coffee cup, a simple unique gift, warming my hands, sending up delicious aromas of my favorite strong coffee. This year has brought some difficult blows to my heart- a loved one’s brush with death, a daughter’s move across the country and several other opportunities to test my strength in many ways. A year filled with so many emotions and at times great excitement…exhaustion…overwhelm. Yet…still miracles and blessings. This morning I feel a peaceful sense of renewal and gratitude for the simple things. But mostly for the quiet peace that fills my heart. I feel God’s presence here…in the joyful sunlight, nature’s orchestra of bird songs, the smell of freshly cut grass and even in the exquisite taste of this morning cup of coffee. A new day granted, once again, by the Giver of the Best Gifts and all wrapped up in the peace He sends. 

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burning bridges?

dirt-path_thumb.jpgThere’s been one too many times in my life I’ve had the overwhelming urge to “make a run for it.” I’ve actually seen a few people do this lately, selling out, packing up, and moving away in search of a new thing…in search of peace. Running from something or someone or themselves…leaving behind all they know, leaving family and friends.

We all entertain thoughts of this kind of great escape at times. We yearn to burn all the bridges, cut ties, and start over. Maybe we even want to just burn “it” all down in one dramatic cleansing moment of frustration.

roadinmaui-edited3.jpgLooking back, I remember running away, making a dramatic “move” of some sort to escape the circumstances I’d found myself in. But, this kind of impulsive “move” in life rarely pans out the way we want it to. The newness of the new thing or place always wears off. We are then left with just another daily grind.

The universal truth is, wherever we go and where ever we live, some things are absolutely the same. There will always be someone we can’t tolerate or who challenges us more than we care to deal with. There will always be conflicts of some sort. There will always be things that must be done that brings about the “daily grind.” There will still be bad weather and environmental difficulties over which we are helpless. The grass or pavement on the other side of all fences may be different and enticing but isn’t always better.GA-PATH-BW_thumb.jpg

The deep restlessness many feel comes from discontent. The cure for discontent is finding the source of true joy. Truth is…that peace and that joy only comes from within and being filled with God’s Holy Spirit is the only way to successfully fill in all those aching empty places in our hearts.

IMG_8345CampingOCT2014

I’m thankful that we don’t have to trek far to find this kind of joy and peace in life. We can  find it “being still” and letting God’s goodness and mercy catch up with us. “Surely goodness and mercy and unfailing love shall follow me all the days of my life, and I shall dwell forever {throughout all my days} in the house and in the presence of the Lord.”(Psalm 23:6 AMP)LastingImagesByLisa_2009 10 13_3181_edited-1

However, if life leads you to wander for the pure joy of seeing and enjoying God’s great “wonders” then do so with gusto! And if your heart leads you to wander far from your usual stomping grounds in desire to serve God, then trust Him with  your adventures and go bravely in that direction!

You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast because they trust in You. (Isaiah 26:3)

Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ. (Romans 5:1)

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your request to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding,will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. (Phil. 4:6-7)

Blesses are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God (Matt. 5:9)

 

 

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So very far from Eden…

I’m trying desperately to muddle out of this new chaotic “thing” that’s reared its ugly peace wrecking head in our lives. The tension in the back of my neck and the deep sorrowful ache in my heart is consequence of attempts to find reason in what should have been so simple. It will be a miracle if the sleep comes tonight. Most of the time, I choose to see the good in a situation. I choose the joy. Even if it seems to be hiding, I seek it out…call it forward. 
And then there’s these kinds of days. You know, the ones that scream with all the force of darkness…dredge up every negative emotion. 


The world is so very broken. There is so much pain and suffering. So much selfishness and pride. Sometimes I am amazed at how comfortable the majority seems to be in this darkness. God, we’ve come so far from the beautiful Eden you created. We still turn our backs away from the bountiful wonders you set before us…always seeking more or different…As if there just might be something better…as if You were holding out on us. Our greedy hearts always aimlessly wandering towards what ultimately only brings misery. 


How long will we all walk in this desert circle? How much does it take for some to see that You and You alone are all we need? 

My soul is in such deep thirst for your comfort and protection tonight. I need spiritual shelter under Your all-seeing, all-knowing power. I am laying down every burden of my heart and leaning into Your peace that passes all understanding.

Psalm 42:5-8The Message (MSG)
5 Why are you down in the dumps, dear soul?

    Why are you crying the blues?

Fix my eyes on God—

    soon I’ll be praising again.

He puts a smile on my face.

    He’s my God.

6-8 When my soul is in the dumps, I rehearse

    everything I know of you,

From Jordan depths to Hermon heights,

    including Mount Mizar.

Chaos calls to chaos,

    to the tune of whitewater rapids.

Your breaking surf, your thundering breakers

    crash and crush me.

Then God promises to love me all day,

    sing songs all through the night!

    My life is God’s prayer.

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It’s a choice 

 All these things truly are choices, although we sometimes live as if we are shackled by our daily circumstances and obligated to be sucked into a vortex of busyness and living a joyless life.

Jesus came to give us a life more abundant, not one where we daily struggle to barely survive because we’re so stressed out.

If you have been living on the verge of a total meltdown or just barely surviving the daily grind, dragging through your days weary and broken inside- ask yourself “why?” Are you choosing to allow your circumstances to enslave your heart and mind?

Joy really is a choice.

 Choosing to live joyfully requires changing how we think about what’s going on around us instead of  being tossed about by a sea of emotional reactions. As the annoying, yet oddly wise, Disney song says “let it go, let it goooooooo oh….!”

Today, I’m choosing joy…in spite of it all! I’m choosing to slow down and live more intentionally. I’m choosing to not let worry squash my mind in its crushing vise. I’m choosing to “let go” of the negatives and grab hold of the overflowing mercies of God!

 

The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly. (John 10:10)

 

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