21 years ago I became a mom for the first time. Those first few hours after giving birth to my oldest child are memories etched in my heart and mind forever. In those precious moments time was suspended and all the world around me just faded into the background. Nothing else mattered……except, of course, the tiny little person I now held in my arms. To put it simply, this perfect and precious baby boy of mine had stopped my world. I was a mommy! Those brand new feelings of unconditional and powerful love for my child were both exhilarating and painful. All at once I became acutely aware of my instinctual desire to shield him from harm of any kind. The world is a huge and sometimes dangerous place for such a helpless little human. I began to realize that from then on every decision I made would begin with thoughts of my child.
As a mother the love you have for your children is joyful and at times overwhelming. There are only so many ways we can protect them. I’ve learned that in order to survive the worries of motherhood I absolutely must hand over the reigns of control to God. After all, only He can love our children more than we do.
I’m sitting in a dark hospital room as I type this. My firstborn precious son is lying in a bed trying to rest as we await more blood test results. He’s experiencing a serious health crisis and I would love dearly to wrap him up in a blankie and rock him to sleep like I did when he was little. But I can’t. He’s a young man now and probably braver than I am at the moment. He has no clue that the news that he needed to be admitted to the hospital this morning shook my world. It’s hard to look at my grown son and not see him as my baby still. I’m trying very hard to remain hopeful that there is an explanation to his illness that will offer a complete cure. As for this moment I’m being sustained by the mysterious peace that God’s spirit gives when I need it the most.
I love this beautiful boy of mine. He’s grown to be such a wonderful young man loved and admired by me, his family and many friends. Life has not always been kind to us and he was at many times not only my darling boy, but my friend. He is wise beyond his mere 21 years and responsible. To say that I’m proud of him would be an understatement. I have gained such joy in watching him grow up.
Alex’s birth marks the beginning of my days as a mother, a role that outranks all others on this earth I may have. I’m so grateful that God has blessed my life with children. Most of the crucial lessons I’ve learned in this life have come through being a mom.