This was just plain a very bad, no good day. I feel 15 years older and so tired that my DNA has slipped into a coma or a frenzy, not sure which one yet. What do you do when it seems that no matter the amount of good old fashioned “internal fortitude” you’ve dredged up, you just seem to flail against the tide of aggravating circumstances and hopelessness.
It was just a day, I know, but feels like an eternity when the “stuff” just keeps grabbing at your nerves and gnawing through to the bone! Grrrr and Ugh! I need a breather. I need music. I need a long hot bath with a steaming cup of coffee. I need Jesus to forgive me for being so very human and pitiful today and the Holy Spirit to comfort and renew my strength. I need a “do-over”.
Raising children can be a blessing and a privilege. But raising children is challenging (very) and sometimes requires superhuman strength. I’ve been a mom for 22(mostly wonderful) years now. I ought to be an expert at just about anything “mommy-hood” would hit me with, right? W-R-O-N-G wrong wrong!! I have been through some of the most baffling predicaments in these last few years with our 5 year old and can honestly say, she leaves me standing at the end of the day, shaking my head, and saying “I have no clue what to do anymore!” But, today, I got the challenges from several of them. (is the moon full tonight?)
Maybe my husband and I just need a little mini vacation. Its difficult to find people that will agree to babysit for you when your 4 youngest are all under the ages of 6 years old and two require diaper changes.(I even feel bad for asking someone to watch the kids for us) The ridiculous thing is that I feel guilty when I get the chance to get out of the house without them once in a great while. Which is stupid, because I always feel so much more relaxed and refreshed when I do manage to have a few hours to myself. I know that time away is vital to our health and in turn is so very good for the kids when mom and dad get a break and come back feeling happier and rested.
So, today was truly crummy. I actually found myself counting down the minutes until bedtime. And, no, I DO NOT feel guilty for doing the little happy dance in my head after I realized they were all asleep. **sigh** I am NOT superhuman, although, it has been assumed so here lately by onlookers who feel that anyone who has taken on this task of raising children while going through some pretty tough things in the last few years, must be slightly immortal or insane. I love my children. I adore them.I would even miss them terribly if I got the chance to take a mini-vacation…. But, I am just me, a 42 year old woman with a heart as huge as Texas and patience that is waning, at times, due to all I have pulling me in every direction. I just do what I can, what I must, and sometimes what I want (rarely, here lately). I love mothering. I love being a mother. But, I love doing many other things too. Finding the time to squish in a little “me-time” is like rocket science right now. Which is why I’ve decided to blog more this year….I need to.
So, tomorrow will be another day(good one, I hope)….Meanwhile, I’m gonna climb into a steamy jacuzzi bath and decompose, er, I mean, decompress. I feel like I’ve already decomposed! I pray in the tub. I know that sounds sacrilegious and all, but its true. God hears me just as well and I can cry and not get anything sloppy wet since I’m already soaking. I am going to go seek God’s direction in the sanctity of my large bathtub that I feel so blessed to have. Forget Coca-Cola, I wish I could buy the world a jacuzzi tub! The de-stressing it can do is so valuable, that I believe it oughta be covered by health insurance!
So, how was your day today? Anyone else have a “crazy kid” day? Maybe its just a bit of cabin fever getting the best of all of us? How many days until Spring?