I’ve had a long day. I’m also finding it absolutely impossible to write about. This may be the shortest or most awkwardly rambling blog post ever. So, forgive me if I seem to be going in several different directions tonight. I’m a bit sleep deprived lately and carrying a couple new concerns around in this brain of mine. My role as mother, wife, and all around “keep this house/home together” person is keeping me up at nights and not just because the baby doesn’t sleep through the night yet. I meet most of my days with this fervor and passion (after coffee, of course). I ask God for guidance and strength (lots of strength mixed in with patience). I’m not even going to write about all that I do or have even done just today because I’m just too tired to see it appear on the page. I do what I do because of “love”. I love this family of mine. I love my children so much that there are no words to adequately describe how they are a part of everything I do, plan, or hope for. Tonight, I put forth some new things in our day in attempts to inspire, bond us together as a family and to encourage.In other words, I’ve “got the ball rolling” and am hoping to start a little fire of excitement spiritually in my family.I actually think it went nicely. I know I enjoyed the time we spent together. But, alas…..I’ve not received any feedback as of yet…not expecting it either, which is alright for now.
So, why do I feel so invisible? So “defeated” in this purpose I was trying to fulfill as a mother and homemaker today? I’m having a difficult time shutting out the negative. Basically, after our family get together – everyone was off to their appointed places and things to do once again, which is expected. But what about a “goodnight” or “let’s do this again?” I eventually found myself cleaning up the kitchen afterwards and alone with my thoughts. I was reminded of this video I saw by Nicole Johnson about how she discovered that she was “invisible.” The first time I ever heard it, I wept. It hit just a little too close to home for me. I listened to it again tonight and got a new bit of insight from it I didn’t the first time(probably was too busy weeping). We are not working for “them” as mothers or wives; we are working for “Him.” That one statement was enough to humble me and bring me to a spot where I could rest in the knowledge that doing what I do and doing it with the peace that God sees and knows is enough. I and what I do for this family may be unseen and invisible, but God sees me. He sees me and what I do matters eternally, probably in ways that I will never get to see. Reassuring (and humbling) to say the least….