I am invisible. But its O.K. (I think)

I’ve had a long day. I’m also finding it absolutely impossible to write about. This may be the shortest  or most awkwardly rambling blog post ever. So, forgive me if I seem to be going in several different directions tonight.  I’m a  bit sleep deprived lately and carrying a couple new concerns around in this brain of mine. My role as mother, wife, and all around “keep this house/home together” person is keeping me up at nights and not just because the baby doesn’t sleep through the night yet. I meet most of my days with this fervor and passion (after coffee, of course). I ask God for guidance and strength (lots of strength mixed in with patience).  I’m not even going to write about all that I do or have even done just today because I’m just too tired to see it appear on the page. I do what I do because of “love”. I love this family of mine. I love my children so much that there are no words to adequately describe how they are a part of everything I do, plan, or hope for. Tonight, I put forth some new things in our day in attempts to inspire, bond us together as a family and to encourage.In other words, I’ve “got the ball rolling” and am hoping to start a little fire of excitement spiritually in my family.I actually think it went nicely. I know I enjoyed the time we spent together. But, alas…..I’ve not received any feedback as of yet…not expecting it either, which is alright for now.

So, why do I feel so invisible? So “defeated” in this purpose I was trying to fulfill as a mother and homemaker today? I’m having a difficult time shutting out the negative. Basically, after our family get together – everyone was off to their appointed places and things to do once again, which is expected. But what about a “goodnight” or “let’s do this again?” I eventually found myself cleaning up the kitchen afterwards and alone with my thoughts. I was reminded of this video I saw by Nicole Johnson about how she discovered that she was “invisible.”  The first time I ever heard it, I wept. It hit just a little too close to home for me. I listened to it again tonight and got a new bit of insight from it I didn’t the first time(probably was too busy weeping). We are not working for “them” as mothers or wives; we are working for “Him.” That one statement was enough to humble me and bring me to a spot where I could rest in the knowledge that doing what I do and doing it with the peace that God sees and knows is enough. I and what I do for this family may be unseen and invisible, but God sees me. He sees me and what I do matters eternally, probably in ways that I will never get to see. Reassuring (and humbling) to say the least….

One comment

  1. I see you! Hang in there. It is hard when unspoken expectations don’t get met, but you are going to the right source for your affirmation. He always sees and it is recorded in Heaven. It is hard to wait to see the fruit, but someday you will stand before Him and He will say those long awaited words; “Well done, thy good and faithful servant.” Blessings!

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